What Do Thanksgiving Heretics Have in Common with The Sex Pistols (Or Never Mind the Pilgrims)?

November 24, 2009 by  
Filed under Music

sex pistolsI`ve been crying copious crocodile tears this morning. Two ladies have written a scornful piece de-bunking the Thanksgiving Day myth. Also, I now realize that Thanksgiving is just a harvest time feast, nothin` more really. Therefore, the Indians probably celebrated the first harvest holiday of this sort, before Europeans ever touched any American dirt. Yet I cry! The plastic cut-outs of Pilgrims with smokin` Arquebus and handfuls of dead foul are phoney-baloney! Ouch!

Judy Dow and Beverly Slapin are radical, left leanin`, maybe even thanksgiving iiiCommunist Marxist historians. Where`s Joseph McCarthy (Red Buster Supremo) when you need him? Grinches that snuffed out Turkey Day. When I read this bodacious debunkin` I think of the Sex Pistols Never Mind the Bullocks. “God save the Queen, we mean it man.” An ironic forked-tongue of Johnny Rotten. By the same token these ladies disembowel the ‘Thanksgiving Myth’ with vociferous giddy abandon. They even say there was no such thing as Pilgrims.

You will want to examine this document thoroughly. Look for evidence of heresy and anarchy…dangerous propaganda that has as its goal undermining the very fabric of our Capitalist System and the freedoms that we all enjoy as Americans-namely GOD-GIVEN GLUTTONY!

The final blow is that Judy and Beverly say that Thanksgiving is not a happy time, but rather a sad one…Sid Vicious & Johnny Rotten Turkey Day debriefing debunking…Pilgrims, Turkeys & Indians melt like wax on a cauldron of Communist blasphemies…Would you pass the giblet gravy, please,  Aunt Adipose? P. S. Time to get your Them Crooked Vultures out-flip to Elephants-best thing since Tales of Brave Ulysses by Cream.

Kangaroo Gone Wild

November 23, 2009 by  
Filed under Weird Stuff


“An Australian man was attacked by a kangaroo that was trying to drown his dog in a dam.
Victoria state paramedic Michael Vasopressin said the man had gone to rescue his dog, which was being held down by the kangaroo in a dam at Arthur’s Creek, when the kangaroo turned on him.
The man suffered a deep cut across his abdomen, another on his face and a number of scratches on his chest and arms during the attack at the creek northeast of Melbourne.”
Usually it’s a dog who comes to the rescue of his master, but in this case a man came to the rescue of his pet, and paid a stiff price.
I commend Michael for his courage, a mad roo is a dangerous beast. Michael’s love for his pooch was greater than his fear of the kangaroo. I love my dogs, and I would also do anything to save them from danger.
I would be hopping mad if a kangaroo was trying to drown my dog. I would shoot the mad beast, and my dog and I would both enjoy kangaroo steaks on the barbie.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

The Thanksgiving Day Mystery-Enigma Rears its Gobbler Jowls!

November 23, 2009 by  
Filed under Music

thanksgiving-feastIt`s that time when we have to decide when and where the first, legitimate Thanksgiving took place. The firmest tradition is that it was at Plymouth Rock, Mass. in 1621. This is how I heard the spin-of-a-tale when I was a pipsqeak in grade school. This morning I heard claims that it was two years earlier in Jamestown, Virginia. The word thanksgiving springs up in a prayer by some unknown pastor from that troubled settlement.

Okay, so maybe there were two first events? But wait, now a third earlier communal feastal gathering has been cited. Clarification please? Robyn Gioia, a school teacher in St. Augustine, Fl, has published a children`s book, America`s REAL First Thanksgiving. This would put the date back to September 8th, 1565, when a Spanish explorer co-opted a dinner *(bean soup is only dish I`ve heard of, so far) with Timucua Indians.

These three events need to be further scrutinized for their authenticity or legitimacy. In the mean time, I will stick turkeywith the traditional telling of the story, with chummy cut-out Pilgrims and Indians imbibing in a mammoth feast with turkey, dressing (stuffing, if ya prefer) , cranberries, green bean casserole, yams, mashed potatoes, gallons of giblet gravy, ham, dinner rolls, cheeses of all kinds, pumpkin pie, pecan pie & apple turnovers. (Oops! Left out the relish tray with olives, pickles, celery & carrot sticks in dip…you know the drill.) Feel free to pile on more grub to the list, please!

For music, the keenest old timey tune for me  is Over the River and Through the Woods. I use to shine on this one in my elementary choir. And check out this top ten ‘thank you’ list from the oldie pop-song vaults. I Thank You by Sam and Dave looks the most interesting. At the family dinner table itself, I would recommend some J.S. Bach or some Verdi. Those intricate Bach loops will stimulate your appetite. If you have Switched On Bach, with Moog Synthesizer, this would be even better.

After you leave your parents house, I would recommend pulling out that new Them Crooked Vultures. Been spinning that one constantly since last week. Now, let us return to the historical controversy. What event is the REAL first Thanksgiving Day? Plymouth, Jamestown, or St. Augustine? Only one can be the Real Turkey Day

Lady Gaga Has the Queen’s Royal Seal of Approval?

November 22, 2009 by  
Filed under Top Story

Queen of England Gaga Over Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga’s current persona may not be that of the Royal’s, however, when she was still Lady Stefani Germanotta, without a doubt her talent, poise and Julliard sound is most certainly worthy of high tea.

“How can we counsel our impressionable young charges not to fall under the spell of Lady Gaga now that she has the Queen’s royal seal of approval?”

Teen To Challenge Citation For McDonald’s Rap

November 20, 2009 by  
Filed under Weird Stuff

A Jan. 29 bench trial has been set for a teen cited with disorderly conduct for ordering food at an American Fork McDonald’s by singing a rap song.

Spenser Dauwalder, 18, and three 17-year-olds were emulating a popular YouTube video with their hip-hop order at the drive-through on Oct. 27.
But the manager became upset, wrote down the car’s license number and called police, who cited all four boys for disorderly conduct.”
Fast food workers earn minimum wage putting up with unruly and rude customers, but they shouldn’t be expected to endure a fool ordering food by singing a rap song.
The young hooligan should have been thrown in jail instead of just being issued a citation. He has a lot of nerve appealing the citation, and I hope he loses his case.
The McDonald’s employees should sue the teens for subjecting them to cruel and unusual punishment.
Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Susan Boyle is the World Queen of Pre-orders on Amazon!

November 20, 2009 by  
Filed under Music

Susan Boyle, the humble Scottish overnight singing sensation, will issue her debut album, I Dreamed A Dream, on November 24th (this coming Tuesday), on the label Sony Music Entertainment. Wow! A mere moment ago I heard her rendition of The Rolling Stones` song Wild Horses (Sticky Fingers) on You Tube. 1.6 million hits already! Amazon has reported that its pre-orders are its all-time tops for the United States and also the highest for the entire World in the 14 year history of its web site. (Reuters)susan boyle ii

susan boyle iiiI have glimpsed a sneak preview of the sacred, frothy list of  tracks on I Dreamed A Dream, and many of them are universal spirit up-lifters, barnburners like How Great Thou Art, Cry Me A River and Amazing Grace. I believe that many of us could use a bit of a lift to our spirits. I also think that spirituals or gospel could be Susan Boyle`s forte. She forged her CHOPS by way of a church anyway. Moreover & furthermore, Wild Horses is a most fancy arrangement, lush with strings as well as Boyle`s marvelous warbling vocals that make you tremble ecstatically with ‘LOVE & HAPPINESS.

CORNY WAX! I better not over do it *(but certainly will)…I feel like the Geico lizard slithering away…but wait, soft glows the light in hither dale! Susan does some POP-ROCK too with The Monkey`s Daydream Believer, written by Neil Diamond. Will I see you over at the record hop picking up your Susan Boyle platter on Tuesday? I know I will!

Tammy The Turkey Captured Near Turnpike Exit

November 19, 2009 by  
Filed under Weird Stuff

“The case of the turkey who played chicken has come to a close.
After months of fowl play, the jaywalker from the wild dubbed Tammy the Turnpike Turkey finally has been snagged.
State Division of Fish and Wildlife officials netted the bird Wednesday morning after failed attempts over the weekend. The turkey has been trotting around toll booths at Exit 14B in Jersey City since August.”
This is not a very lucky time of the year for turkeys, a lot of them end as the main course on Thanksgiving Day dinner. But Tammy the Turnpike Turkey is one lucky bird, not only did she survive playing chicken in one of the most congested roads in the country, but she isn’t going to end up on anyone’s Thanksgiving Day dinner plate.
Tammy will spend the rest of her days in a zoo. I’m very happy for Tammy, but I won’t shed any tears for the turkey I’m going to feast on this Thanksgiving.
Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Is Johnny Mercer the Greatest American Lyricist of All Time?

November 19, 2009 by  
Filed under Music

johnny mercer iiJohnny Mercer was born on November 18th, 1909, so yesterday marks the centennial of his birth. He died June 25th, 1976, therefore, he lived to the ripe age of 67. Johnny is easily one of the greatest songwriters of all time. But one must note that he was primarily known as a lyricist and worked with many of the greats, such as Harold Arlen, Hoagy Carmichael and Henry Mancini. Turner Classic Movies is currently running a tribute special on Johnny Mercer which you might wish to see.

Johnny wrote countless songs of classic stature, but a few surprises have captured my attention right now. He did the lyrics to I`m An Old Cowhand from the Rio Grande, a catchy one that was a favorite of mine in my youthful ‘cowboy days’ (pure histrionics). Another one was I Remember You, which became a number one hit in the UK for Frank Ifield. Frank Ifield was an Australian singer who had collaborated with The Beatles before they made it big.johnny mercer i

Another interesting tidbit is that Johnny Mercer was madly in love with Judy Garland, and wrote I Remember You for her. Fascinating for me also, was that Mercer did an apprenticeship with Yip Harburg on Oh Brother, Can You Spare Me A Dime? Yip was the lyricist for The Wizard of Oz songs (of course). The list goes on and on…Did you know that Johnny was a co-founder of Capitol Records? *(sources-Wiki & LA Times)

An interesting question for you: Johnny Mercer is often associated with the Old South. What is so ‘Old South’ about him and his lyrics?

Old Codger Drives 400 Miles For Newspaper

November 18, 2009 by  
Filed under Weird Stuff

“An elderly man who went out to fetch a morning newspaper ended up driving nearly 400 miles after getting lost and taking a wrong turn onto a major Australian highway, police said on Wednesday. The man, 81-year-old Eric Steward, eventually stopped and asked for directions after driving for nine hours, from the New South Wales country town of Yass to Geelong in the southern Victoria state.
Steward, who did not know where he was, eventually approached a policeman at a petrol station and asked for help late Wednesday.”
A newspaper is an anachronism, and within a few years you will have to drive 400 miles before you can find a store that still sells them. Most  teens won’t even step outside to their front porch to pick up their parents’ newspaper.
Why would anyone buy a newspaper when you can read thousands of news articles online for free? Dear old Eric Steward needs to get with the program, someone should tell the old goat that the news is only a click away. Getting lost on the Information Highway is a hell of a lot less inconvenient than hopping on your car to buy a newspaper and ending up lost 400 miles from your home.
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Geezer Bandit Strikes Again

November 18, 2009 by  
Filed under Weird Stuff

“An man authorities call the “geezer bandit” robbed his fifth bank this week in San Diego County.
FBI officials officials said the man robbed a Bank of America in La Jolla on Monday evening, brandishing a gun and demanding money from a teller.”
I don’t care if this old codger was brandishing a bazooka, I’m not going to turn over a dime to an old man in his 70’s who looks like death warmed over.
I can’t believe this old goat has robbed five banks, any teller who hands over money to this decrepit bank robber should be fired.
If a teller ordered the geezer to put down his gun, the wrinkled old prune would probably comply.
If the cops follow the smell of the geezer’s soiled diapers they will probably find him at a bingo hall.
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