“Authorities in Oklahoma said a man who crashed into a parking lot walked into a jail and offered a stick he called the ‘last tree in the universe’ as payment.
The deputies said Bailey left after being told the stick was not an acceptable form of payment and threw a brick through a jail window.”
UPI
What would make a man think that a stick was the last tree in the universe, and that it would get him off the hook for crashing into a parking lot?
It’s usually drugs or alcohol that makes a man act irrationally, and in this case it comes as no surprise that the cops found meth in the dude’s vehicle.
The suspect was arrested on drug charges, and tossed into the slammer. Unfortunately, this guy isn’t the last idiot in the universe.
“A 22-year-old woman convicted of drug smuggling was named Miss Captive Beauty 2010 during a beauty pageant at a Mexican prison.”
UPI
Cecilia Juarez, 22, beat out 14 other contestants in a unanimous decision by the judges. Obviously Juarez is very attractive — she should consider working as a model instead of smuggling drugs.
This is one achievement that Cecilia won’t be able to list on her resume, but on second thought she can include it in her resume with one slight change: I won the Miss Captivating Beauty contest.
The beauty contest was held as part of International Women’s Day festivities. Hello? There is nothing more sexist than a beauty pageant.
“Authorities in Florida said a box of marijuana found in a car was labeled with the motorist’s first name and the word ‘pot.’
Pasco County sheriff’s deputies said Rebekah Michal Tracht-Kader, 21, smelled of alcohol and marijuana when she was pulled over for driving through a stop sign at 2 a.m. Saturday in Holiday, Fla., the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported Tuesday.
Deputies said Tracht-Kader had bloodshot eyes and was slurring her speech. They searched the car and discovered a green plastic box labeled ‘Rebekah’s pot’ and containing an undisclosed amount of marijuana.”
UPI
Usually when a stoner is pulled over by the cops, he will swear up and down that he has no clue how the joint got in his ashtray, and he will insist that he didn’t know there was a collection of bongs in his glove compartment. Rebekah made things easy for the cops by labeling the pot with her name.
Nevermind why Rebekah would so stupid to keep a box labeled “Rebekah’s pot” in her car, why did she feel compelled to label her stash of dope? Does she belong to a family of potheads who are always arguing over who owns the stash of weed? Will the cops find several boxes in her home labeled: Daddy’s pot, Junior’s pot, and Baby Samantha’s pot?
If Rebekah doesn’t plead guilty to possession of marijuana, “Rebekah’s pot” is going to be Exhibit A in the trial.
“Chef Daniel Angerer is adding a new, apparently delicious ingredient to his homemade cheese that has guests at his Klee Brasserie in Chelsea smacking their lips in anticipation, and then, quiet satisfaction: His wife’s breast milk.
The chef says he has to add a bit of cow’s milk to the concoction because breast milk doesn’t curdle well, but the final product is divine.”
MSNBC.Com
I wouldn’t eat cheese made from a lady’s breast milk, even if it was a naked Angelina Jolie who provided the milk while I was watching her make the cheese.
Babies may love their mother’s breast milk, but big dudes worship the breasts, not the milk that comes from them!
I will avoid Chef DAniel Angerer’s restaurant like the plague!
“In Kentucky, patients of Douglas Rank — a psychiatrist accused of stabbing a patient with a sword — are still trying to keep their appointments with him, even though he’s in jail. The jailers, obviously, turn them away.”
A general practitioner who allegedly stabs one of his patients with a sword will lose his license. But even he if doesn’t lose his license, he will lose all of his patients. I hate getting pricked with a needle, I wouldn’t chance getting stabbed with a sword.
When you are a psychiatrist and all of your patients are nuts, you can get away with anything. A shrink can try to kill one of his patients, and the rest of his patients will still try to keep their appointments, even if the quack is behind bars.
Why does a psychiatrist, or anyone for that matter, need a sword for anyway?
“Singapore on Thursday stuck to its 18-year ban on the import and sale of chewing gum, which has become an international symbol of the city-state’s image as a strict society.”
AFP
Singapore’s ban may make its streets marginally cleaner, but it’s counterproductive because its given the island nation a reputation as an authoritarian society.
I’m a slob and I’m afraid to travel to Singapore, I might get arrested for littering. Who wants to visit an uptight country that regulates every facet of a person’s life?
There might be gum and much worse on the streets of San Francisco, but I know I won’t be hassled by the cops if I walk down the street smoking a joint, and tossing an empty bag of Cheetos into the wind.
Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes
“A British man is losing his driving privileges for six months after he was caught walking his dog from the driver’s seat of his car.
Police in Annfield Plain, England, said Paul Railton, 23, was driving along the street at 5 mph with his dog attached to a leash dangling out the window of his vehicle, The Sun reported Tuesday.”
UPI
I commend Railton for making sure his dog got his daily exercise, but this is the epitome of laziness. I once had a friend who would drive her car about 30 feet down her driveway to pick up her mail, but this bloke takes the cake.
It’s not only lazy, but it’s also very dangerous. The distracted driver could have very easily got into an accident, he put himself, his pooch, and other drivers at risk.
He will have no choice but to talk his dog walking the normal way.
“A court ruled that a Russian man must pay more than 100,000 rubles ($3,330) for medical bills and damages to the parents of a girl he hit when he jumped from a window in a suicide attempt.”
Reuters
I know that a suicidal person is despondent and not thinking clearly, but the man should have checked there was nobody in the way before jumping.
Now that the man has failed in everything, including his suicide attempt, he’s probably more depressed than ever. A hefty fine isn’t exactly calculated to make him feel great about being alive.
The 7-year-old victim was in the hospital for months after the man fell on her, it makes me want to kill the guy. I won’t be to upset if he tries to kill himself again, hopefully next time he will just swallow a bottle of pills.
“Hunger drove a wild panda to break into a Chinese farmer’s pig pen and eat their food, which was meat and bone, rather than bamboo.
State-run China Central Television said the giant panda had apparently descended from the mountains in a region of southwest China’s Sichuan province and was spotted in a field before the animal was found inside the pig pen, chewing on bones and spitting out the meat.”
Reuters
Who hasn’t seen images of a panda peacefully nibbling on bamboo? But in the wild if bamboo isn’t available pandas will eat honey, fish and fruit.
This panda broke into a pig pen, and made a pig out of himself. A panda may look like a huge cuddly bear, but we have to keep in mind that it’s a freakin’ bear. I hope that panda didn’t hurt any of the pigs, I bet they were squealing in horror.
It’s interesting to note that the panda was chewing on bones and spitting out he meat, humans eat the meat and spit out the bones.
I’d love to one day observe a panda in a zoo, but I’m glad they aren’t roaming around free, they would scare the Bejesus out of me.
“A German robber held up the same bank in Hamburg twice within 24 hours just a week after being released from jail — for the same crime.”
Reuters
This hapless bank robber has an obsessive-compulsive disorder, less than a week after being released from jail for the same crime, he robs the same bank twice within 24 hours.
This man realizes he can’t control his compulsion to rob banks, so he pulls his stupid stunt in the hopes of getting caught. Sure enough, he was caught less than three hours after her robbed the bank for the second time.
I don’t know if they have a three strikes law in Germany, but this fool belongs behind bars for the rest of his life.
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