Around The Water Cooler » Weird Stuff

Rattlesnakes Invade University

Robert Paul Reyes — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 15:37:53 +0000

“Officials at Weber State University in Utah said four rattlesnakes have slithered into a building in separate incidents during the past week.“

UPI

These snakes aren’t Republican presidential candidates, we know how adverse these know-nothings are to the pursuit of intellectual endeavors. Although I’m’ sure that Herman Cain would love to slither and hide in a building or in a hole somewhere.

The rattlesnakes weren’t seeking to advance their education, they were looking for a warm place to hibernate.

Let’s hope the custodian didn’t kill the rattlesnake, they deserve to find a warm place to hibernate in the hills.

Woman Steals 26 Boxes of Condoms, Huggies, and Cotton Balls

Robert Paul Reyes — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 17:32:59 +0000

“Investigators said Alexandrea Brooks entered the Walgreens store in Marietta Sept. 11 and left with 26 boxes of condoms, a pack of cotton balls, a box of Huggies baby wipes and an ovulation test kit, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Tuesday.“

UPI

Was this woman planning on having the Mother of all Swinger parties? Though some may condemn her promiscuity, if that’s the case, I applaud her for practicing safe sex.

In case some of the condoms failed Brooks was prepared, she bought a box of Huggies. If Brooks has a baby I’m sure she will return to Walgreens to steal baby formula, baby bottles and more diapers.

Let’s hope Brooks doesn’t have any more babies, under her tutelage they would grow up to be thieves.

Outrage: Thieves Steal 700-Pound Statue Of A Pelican

Robert Paul Reyes — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 17:25:44 +0000

“Police in California are offering $1,000 for information leading to the culprits behind the theft of a 700-pound pelican statue.

Novato police said the sculpture, which the Novato City Council commissioned for Scottsdale Pond park in 2007 for $27,500, was apparently stolen during the weekend, the Marin Independent Journal reported Monday.“

UPI

It takes a lot of boldness to steal a 700-pound statue, this isn’t a caper that you can pull off on the sly. You need a flatbed truck, some type of equipment to lift the statue, and at least two or three strong men.

Who would want to steal a 700-pound statue of a pelican? You can’t pawn it, sell it on eBay or advertise it for sale in the local newspaper.

The thieves might as well return the statue to the park.

Chechen Leader Kadyrov Bans Celebrations Of His Birthday

Robert Paul Reyes — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 20:15:34 +0000

“Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov said he will not allow any celebrations of his birthday and any officials who give him gifts will be fired.

Kadyrov, who will turn 35 on Oct. 5, said he will not allow any celebrations of his birthday, which coincides with Grozny City Day, RIA Novosti reported Wednesday.“

UPI

Ramzan Kadrov is a scholar and a gentleman, he is setting a fine example for the residents of Grozny City. A celebration of a city takes precedence over the birthday of a resident, regardless how notable he may be.

Kadrov’s fine example should be followed by anyone in a position of power in Russia as well as in our own country. I hate brown nosers who bake special treats for their supervisors, I’m always tempted to go Medieval on them.

Kadrov is only 35, and his humility and his commonsense will take him a lot way.

Noisy Roosters Booted From New York City Garden

Robert Paul Reyes — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 18:32:59 +0000

“Volunteers say two roosters were evicted from a community garden in New York after neighbors complained about too much cock-a-doodle-doo-ing.”

UPI

Residents of New York City aren’t bothered by the sound of gunfire, screaming prostitutes and crying crackheads. But it’s cruel to expect New Yorkers to put up with roosters crowing like there’s no tomorrow.

The roosters didn’t end up in someone’s dinner plate, they were relocated to an upstate animal farm.

All’s well that ends well, New Yorkers can once again let the soothing sound of gunfire lull them to sleep, and the roosters are safe and sound in an animal farm.

Freak Turnip Weighs 95 Pounds

Robert Paul Reyes — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 16:53:49 +0000

“A Welsh gardener set a world record by growing a Swedish turnip weighing in at 95 pounds, 3 1/2 pounds heavier than the previous record vegetable.

Ian Neale, 68, of Newport said he spends as much as 70 hours each week tending to his garden.”

UPI

Anybody who spends 70 hours each week tending to his garden doesn’t have a life. At the most I spend a few hours each week tending to my garden; I have other fish to fry.

But pampering his monstrous turnip gives this old coot meaning to his life. I bet his wife is glad he is fooling around in the garden and not farting around the house.

I hate turnips, the sight of a 95-pound turnip would make me nauseous. I’m glad that freak of nature isn’t growing in my yard.

Souped-Up School Bus Reaches 320 MPH

Robert Paul Reyes — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 18:49:28 +0000

“The creator of a jet-powered school bus with a 42,000-horsepower engine says he has reached a top speed of 320 mph during test runs in Nebraska.
Paul Stender, a native of Big Bend, Wis., said he and his team created the jet-powered bus in Lincoln, Neb., by taking an F4 engine and building the school bus around it, CBS News reported Monday.“

UPI

This one goes under the heading “Things we really don’t need.” I can understand pimping a sports car, but a bus?

Stender shows off the bus to school children; I can imagine kids who’ve seen this souped-up bus yelling at their bus driver to go faster.

Most kids are embarrassed to ride in a regular school bus, but the little jerks would love to ride in Stender’s bus.

Drunken Elk Rescued From Tree By Firefighters

Robert Paul Reyes — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 18:39:39 +0000

“A Swedish man said an elk became stuck in his tree while drunk from eating fermented apples and required the assistance of emergency responders to get down.“

UPI

Elk are sensible creatures, they while away the hours munching on grasses, leaves and bark. Elk are not predators, they have a “live and let live” attitude.

The only time elk act up is during the mating season, when the males are prone to engage in antler wrestling, and posturing.

We now learn that elk also act the fool when they are drunk as a skunk. Elk males are a lot like human males, they act stupid when they are drunk or when they are hitting on a female.

The inebriated elk was set free by firefighters, and he stumbled away to his home to face the wrath of his female partner.

Lebanese Set Record For Largest Kammouneh Serving

Robert Paul Reyes — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 15:41:09 +0000

A group of Lebanese set the world record for the largest serving of kammouneh, a Lebanese national dish, the group says.

Preparers used 551 pounds of tomatoes, 33 pounds of bulgur, 26 gallons of olive oil, as well as 44 pound mixture of mint, salt, pepper and salad seasoning.

UPI

Most Americans wouldn’t know a kammouneh from a kangaroo or a komodo dragon.

I don’t see any meat in the ingredients, which guarantees that this Lebanese dish will never be popular in the United States.

This monstrous dish weighed over half a ton; I’m getting an upset stomach just thinking about it.

Almost anything tastes good if it’s deep-fried, maybe if you fried this sucker it might appeal to Americans.

Hive Of 40,000 Bees Rescued

Robert Paul Reyes — Sat, 03 Sep 2011 11:50:32 +0000

“A hive of 30,000 to 40,000 honeybees was rescued from a New York park when tropical storm Irene damaged the tree containing the hive.

The bees, which were left unprotected when a hollowed-out branch was ripped from a Fort Greene Park tree, attracted members of two beekeeping groups, New York City Beekeeping and the New York City Beekeepers Association, to rescue the hive.”

UPI

Hurricane Irene took more than 30 lives, but we witnessed many heartwarming scenes of individuals and families rescued from raging rivers.

It’s very satisfying when people or even cats and dogs are rescued during a natural disaster. But a story about 40,000 bees rescued isn’t quite as heartwarming, but I guess that the owner of the hives is jumping in joy.

I love honey, so I guess I’m happy that the bees survived.