Around The Water Cooler » Weird Stuff

Flying Pasties For Airport Full-Body Scans

Robert Paul Reyes — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 20:56:43 +0000

“A Web site based in Las Vegas is selling stick-on ‘Flying Pasties’ to shy airline travelers fearful of full-body scanners.

Flyingpasties.com said the products come in a ‘male bottom’ and a three-piece female set designed to conceal the private parts of the wearers from full-body scanners at airports, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported Thursday.

However, Transportation Security Administration spokeswoman Sari Koshetz said anything the scanners identify as ‘an anomaly’ results in additional screening, including possible full-body pat downs.”

UPI

Ten bucks is a small price for a man to pay to protect his manhood for becoming an object or fascination or ridicule.

It seems unfair that the three-piece female set goes for 17 bucks, women should file a discrimination suit against Flyingpasties.com.

I no longer travel by airplane, it’s too much of a hassle. Thank goodness that I’m not forced to wear pasties when I travel by train, at least not yet.

Holy Bird Crap! Canopy To Be Erected To Catch Pigeon Poop!

Robert Paul Reyes — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 14:53:02 +0000

“Community leaders in Kansas City, Mo., say they will suspend a fabric canopy under a highway to catch pigeon waste to try to keep a sidewalk clean.”

UPI

There must be a better solution to this vexing problem, having a fabric canopy chock full of pigeons droppings over a sidewalk is like having the Sword of Damocles over your head.

This is a case of the solution being worse than the problem. It is unsanitary and disgusting to have a fabric canopy of bird dung hanging under a highway.

“The proposed canopy would be illuminated at night for safety and artistic effect.”

UPI

Hello!! There is nothing even remotely artistic about a canopy full of bird crap.

Dude Sends Nude Pic Of Himself To Girlfriend’s Mom By Mistake

Robert Paul Reyes — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 19:09:24 +0000

“ Wisconsin police said an 18-year-old man was cited for disorderly conduct when a nude photo intended for his girlfriend instead wound up on her mom’s cellphone.

Police said the 18-year-old Glendale man, whose name was not released, sent the nude picture of himself to his 17-year-old Brookfield girlfriend’s cellphone, apparently unaware that she shares the phone with her mother.”

UPI

This dude has made a real di** of himself by exposing his shortcomings to his girlfriend’s mother.

I hope that the mom posted the pic on the Internet, so that the young ladies in his town will know why his nickname should be “Pee Wee.”

The creep should be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor instead of just receiving a citation for disorderly conduct.

Chicken Race Held In Parking Lot Of Detroit Bar

Robert Paul Reyes — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 16:39:49 +0000

“Organizers of ‘Detroit’s First Ever Chicken Race’ said 17 fleet-footed fowl raced through a lot behind a bar to draw attention to urban farming.

Karthik Kavasseri, 23, organizer of the event, said nearly 200 fans came out for the Sunday event behind the Temple Bar to watch the race, listen to live music and raise awareness of urban farming, The Detroit News reported.”

UPI

Detroit is a post-apocalyptic nightmare, and it’s unfit for human beings, never mind chickens. The Motor City is a lost cause, and any effort to revitalize Detroit is destined to fail.

The chickens weren’t trying to find the finish line, they were desperately trying to get the hell out of Dodge. It’s nothing short of cruelty to animals to raise them in Detroit.

The Chicken Race didn’t raise awareness of urban farming, it was simply an excuse for folks to get plastered and temporarily forget that they live in a godforsaken city.

Dude Survives Fall From 16th Floor Balcony

Robert Paul Reyes — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 15:42:24 +0000

“A 15-year-old New Zealand boy has survived with minor injuries after falling 16-storeys from the balcony of his family’s apartment onto a concrete floor, New Zealand media reported on Monday.

The teenager was described as in a stable condition in an Auckland hospital with a broken wrist, broken rib, gashed leg and internal injuries, the New Zealand Herald reported.

Reuters

If I trip over my coffee table, I will probably end up in critical condition. But young people are a lot more resilient, and they sometimes survive incredible injuries.

A lady who works in the same building as the hapless youth exclaimed:God must have been with him. He’s got an angel looking after him. If God cares about me, I hope he hasn’t assigned a clueless angel to watch over me. If I fell and broke my wrist, a rib and suffered internal injuries, I would be cursing my Guardian Angel.

I’m sure the boy isn’t thinking “I’m glad God was looking after me”, as he winces in pain on a hospital bed.

Milkshakes Are For Drinking, Not For Hurling At Cars

Robert Paul Reyes — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 15:39:19 +0000

“The husband of a Connecticut woman ticketed for allegedly throwing a milkshake into another car said he thinks the other driver should also have been ticketed.

Carlos Vega of Portland said he was riding in the Chevrolet Suburban while his wife, Yajira, was driving Tuesday and she threw a milkshake into the window of a car that cut her off in traffic, the Hartford Courant reported Thursday.

UPI

The woman driver was issued a ticket for throwing abject at a motor vehicle. A milkshake may not have done any damage to the car, but the other driver could have swerved to avoid the milkshake and caused an accident.

Carlos Vega is sticking up for his violent wife because he feels it’s the manly thing to do, but the fact is that his spouse should have been thrown in the slammer for her act of road rage.

The other driver denied cutting off the evil woman, and he wasn’t ticketed.

All’s well that ends well.

5-Foot Python Caught At Gas Station

Robert Paul Reyes — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 15:27:01 +0000

“New York City authorities said police captured a 5-foot python estimated to be about 3-years-old at a gas station.”

UPI

Encountering a 5-foot python at a gas station is a terrifying experience, but it’s a walk in the park compared to opening the door to a typical filthy gas station restroom. I’d rather deal with a python working behind the cashier stand, than having to use a gas station restroom.

That giant python was probably abandoned by its owner, it’s a shame the owner simply didn’t take it to an animal shelter. If the person who abandoned the python is caught, he should be charged with cruelty to animals.

Let’s hope that the cops find a good home for the snake.

Dude Detained At Airport For Hiding 18 Monkeys Under His Shirt

Robert Paul Reyes — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 17:09:03 +0000

“Police in the Mexican capital said they detained a man at an airport who had 18 monkeys, two of them dead, hidden in a belt beneath his clothes.

Mexico’s Pubic Safety Department said Roberto Sol Cabrera Zavaleta, 38, who arrived at the Mexico City airport from Lima, Peru, was stopped due to a bulge beneath his shirt and officers discovered he was hiding the small titi monkeys in a belt under his clothes, CNN reported Tuesday.”

UPI

This may seem like inconsequential monkey business, but Zavaleta has committed a serious crime, and he deserves to spend a few years behind bars.

Titi monkeys are on the endangered species list, and this clown killed two of the precious critters.

Zavaleta is a freakin’ idiot, how could he possibly have thought that he could get away with hiding 18 monkeys under his shirt. He deserves to rot in hell.

Thief Hid Big Mac In Her Pants

Robert Paul Reyes — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 16:54:22 +0000

“Police in South Carolina said they arrested a woman who allegedly stuffed a McDonald’s sandwich into her pants and loudly complained that she never received it.

Investigators said Lori Shannon Turner, 39, of Spartanburg, received two sandwiches Sunday morning at the fast food restaurant and quickly concealed one of them in her pants, the Herald Journal, Spartanburg, reported Tuesday.

Employees at the store told police Turner claimed she was shorted a sandwich and demanded another free of charge.”

UPI

I love me some Big Mac’s, but I wouldn’t try to steal a Big Mac and risk a stint in jail. There’s no McDonald’s franchise at the local jail.

It didn’t take a Sherlock Holmes or a rocket scientist to determine that Turner was lying, when the cops showed up they noticed a large grease stain on her pants.

A female cop was called to the scene, and it was her unpleasant talks to remove the Big Mac from the thief’s pants.

Turner has a long rap sheet, and she should spend the rest of her life behind bars.

Lovesick Male Llama Chases Female Onto Highway

Robert Paul Reyes — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 02:13:05 +0000

“A male llama chased his prospective mate onto a busy German motorway forcing police to rescue her, authorities said Wednesday.

Thomas Reuter, spokesman for police in the town of Gifhorn, said the male llama had caused the female, called Luisa, to panic and flee their pasture by jumping over a fence onto the highway.”

Reuters

This male llama has all the style and sophistication of Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger courting a woman.

I’ve witnessed a lot of strange sights while driving, but I have never encountered a lovesick llama chasing his sweetheart.

According to the Reuters article the cops were able to catch the female llama with a lasso, but the writer doesn’t mention the fate of the male llama. The poor male llama wasn’t able to catch up with the female, I hope he at least managed to escape his adventure without any injuries.